Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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