I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
