You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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