you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
