worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
