At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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