Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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