Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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