He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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