Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
