whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
