the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
