I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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