I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
