Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So squirting runs in the family.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize