Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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