Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
