I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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