11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
