I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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