he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
