everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
