What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize