oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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