Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize