I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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