You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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