this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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