Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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