I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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