forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
