3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
