Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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