Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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