I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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