You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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