Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
