She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
