I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
