i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
