I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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