Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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