Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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