this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
