your room smells of hookers.
And success
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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