so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
