i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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