I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
