i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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