so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize