I wanna bring you to show and tell
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
