Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize