HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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