I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We got so high we made milksteak
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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