so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
