You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He better not be in your backpack
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
