you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
