That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
