Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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