So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
