it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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