Whod you bang
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
