When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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