Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
